People

So lately I have been talking to people. This is weird for me because I am not a very social person and I usually prefer keeping to myself. Of course I have my group of friends but I have been more comfortable around others lately and have even chatted with them. I recently did a debate in class and I think that I was adequate, but the point is that I had to stand in front of everybody and defend my topic (which was GMOs are good, by the way) and my voice didn't even break with my anxiety. I do not know if this is because I am more comfortable with my class or if I am getting over my fear of people. We won the debate, in case you were wondering. Another thing that has happened to me involving people happened at church. So last week, I went to church and had to do this report/speech thing about something that interests me. Psychology is my latest immersion project, so, naturally, I did it on mental illnesses and personality disorders. I have really been into this kind of study for a while (I am even considering it as a career), so I knew a lot about it, obviously. The youth group leader (at the time it was the pastor) made us read it aloud in front of everyone else and answer any questions the audience had. I did not know how much we were supposed to write, so I wrote a basic research essay, which for me is one or two pages. I did one and a half, and it turned out everybody did about two paragraphs. When I went up, I almost had a panic attack because I had never held a proper conversation with anyone and I was about to embarrass myself by looking like a know-it-all and overachieving on the homework. Since I had a lot to say on the topic, people assumed I knew everything there was to know about it and asked me a boatload of questions. I knew the answers to them only because I had researched this stuff for my own amusement, not because I clicked on every website to make sure I outsmarted everyone. The point is I got through my little performance without fainting and managed to sound like a human. After the presentations, they made us eat and I am all for free food at any time so I was happy. But this food was not free; in exchange for that meal, we were forced to talk to people we did not really know. The people that were there claimed to have all known me for years (technically true since I have been going to this church since I was 5), but most still don't even know how to spell my name; some people didn't even know my name was! I was paired with Angelina and got to know her a bit. I did not really talk but I didn't start crying from the pressure so it was definitely progress, since it has happened to me before. Today, we were supposed to share what we learned about that person. I did what I was told and even told a joke (Angelina was 21 so I said the number like in that vine). They asked me questions about myself and I answered a few, even if I never asked them any questions. Now I am known as the nerdy, geeky girl who wears black. I was able to talk to people without freaking out, and even if I was nervous out of my mind, it is still progress and I am proud of myself for it. I just wanted to share this little anecdote of my life because it is huge for me and if anyone else is suffering from anxiety, you should know that it can get better so don't worry about it so much, please.

Word of the Day: Bigot -- (noun) a person who is intolerant toward those who hold different opinions. Synonyms: chauvinist, narrow-minded, prejudiced person. Ex: Her mother often accused her or sounding like a racist bigot, saying she ought to exercise more control over her thoughts.

Song of the Day: Bittersweet by Panic At The Disco

Hello, again...

Hi, um, it has been a long while since I have used this thing. I had forgotten that this even existed until a little while ago when I decided to explore my old stuff. Originally, this started out as a thing I had to make and update as a school assignment and wow I am so embarrassed about the stuff I had written. I am so sorry for not knowing how to spell or write anything coherent that had any sort of focus to it. I realize that I am basically writing to myself since: a) no one even uses this website; and b) I am not interesting, but I would like to be able to look back and remember what I was like when I was this age. I would like to reintroduce myself to you. You already know my name, obviously, but if you are someone who is not me, you don't really need to know. I am awkward and might have social anxiety, but Future Me will know if I really do, right? I don't know if it is an actual issue, or if it is just a puberty thing. I want you to know that people terrify me, even if I find them incredibly interesting. Intimacy and merely touching other people makes me uncomfortable. Other people's public displays of affection make me uncomfortable as well. I pretty much only feel comfortable online, when I read, or when I am watching something. Remember that my favorite class is Literary Genre because I get to read and write and write about what I read. I have decided to start on an all new blog so that I can start fresh. What I plan to do on my reactivated blog is talk about things that have happened to me, things that I want to voice my opinions on, (if I have any followers) what people want me to talk about, and just talk (or rather write) about things I want to talk about. This is going to be my journal, basically. I am going to keep on doing the Word Of The Day thing I used to do because it was the only clever thing I had thought of and it could improve my vocabulary and anyone's reading this. I might still do a Song Of The Day as well, if I feel like it that day. Thank you for reading, and please have a nice day.

PS - Future Me:  The people I may or may not talk about will all have pseudonyms and you will remember them through the first initial of their name.

Word of the Day:  Abhor -- (verb) to regard with hate or disgust. Synonyms: detest, despise, hate, loathe. Ex: People who seek peace abhor violence.

No Song of the Day today, sorry.